time for another vent/rant/thing ion fkn know
stop reading here if u don't wanna read my butthurt ramblings or if you don't care, i don't blame you, i get bored of myself too
why is it that every single time i feel wanted, noticed, present in any group or to any person i just get replaced? am i that fucking repulsive? that boring? that replaceable?
what is it now? like the third, fifth, eight time i'be just been replaced??? what the fuck am i supposed to do?? who am i supposed to be? why am i never the one who gets to gear and interesting story in dms? why am i always the one "NOT IN THE KNOW"??? WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS???????
four fucking years i spent forming and maintaining a friend group 5th grade to 8th grade, boom, replaced by a random. 9th and 10th grade, not even one year spent with someone new, boom, replaced. AGAIN THIS YEAR I'VE BEEN REPLACED BY OTHER PEOPLE I CAN'T TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE
every fucking time it's the exact same thing: i talk to someone new, we find things in common, new guy comes and replaces me, boom, i'm no longer interesting, i'm no longer even noticed, my presence is optional
who would even give a shit if i dissapeared? no one. no one would care. don't lie saying that you would, you'd forget in a month. i'm that fucking worthless apparently
why can't i ever be the interesting one? why do i have to live such a boring life? why am i the only person who cares about me? actually, i'm probably not the only person who cares about me because even i don't care. why couldn't i have been something--someone else?? why do i have to be a poor, disposable, boring piece of shit fated to live a life of mediocrity?
why am i like this
why can't i just fucking die?
not like anyone would care
"why" i ask, and the only response i get is pity